We at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn..
I guess it’s about time to share my hotel diaries. First off, this hotel I am managing is not what you probably think it is.. It’s a boutique; therefore, a small place, has 8 rooms, and prices range from $160 to $200 per night. This includes breakfast, five o’clock tea, unlimited tea and bottled water, and a grand dinner.. Ugh, I feel like all of this information is now forever etched in my mind. What is torture? It’s answering 30+ phones in a day where all the people are asking the prices, for extra information, and, of course, possible discounts. What’s a miracle? The person on the phone not objecting to the actual price of the room.
All the stories I have from this experience aren’t of course bad, and there are many happy ones.. However, the interesting ones I have are mostly the bad stories. So much shit has happened since I’ve been here—I don’t even know where to start. The filth of some of the guests, and how they turn the room into a huge dump? The drama that my staff never ceases to cause? My troubled cousin who finally bailed out on us? The capricious cook who seems to hate making hamburgers and paninis? The locals who seem to hate my guts since I am the young boss of the only luxurious hotel in the region? The cheapskate guests who seem to consume everything they get their hands on, and try their best not to leave a dime? The group of families with the babies who just loved tossing their crap-filled diapers all over the beach? The old lady who always answered her door half-naked? The guest who cried because the room didn’t look the one in the photographs? The two times I was electrocuted while I was trying to fix something? The time where a group of six people were yelling different things at me at the same time because one of their rooms wasn’t ready on time? The two guests who left running mid-breakfast because my co-manager asked for their IDs?
I’ve met so many people here, so many guests. Some were arrogant, some were ignorant, most of them were really fun and intelligent people, but all of them were absolutely interesting. The memorable ones that left recently includes this young couple who also worked at hotels in Istanbul, and an older couple where we named the husband “Mafia.” The hotel couple’s stories were pretty fun—weird anecdote, according to them Arab guests are the worst. Why? The guy told me a story from his internship days where he would work as housekeeping. Apparently, this one Arab guest defecated on the bed, and then just pulled on the covers—that’s how he left his room before he checked out. Another Arab family would use a BBQ in the room. Oh, the horror. He thought it was not a coincidence how it was always the Arab guests who left the rooms in a complete mess. He recalled how one creative Arab guest used a syringe to suck out the coke from the Coca-Cola can found in the minibar, drank it, and then replaced it with water. Thank God, this stuff doesn’t happen here. We don’t even have minibars in our rooms. All we have is guests who complain that the towels don’t smell like flowers. Okay, not all.
Here are some tips and stories for people who frequent restaurants and hotels.. (ATTN: I accumulated this knowledge by experience over the summer, talking to many people who worked in the tourism business, seeing what was done in the neighboring areas, and stories of my employees.)
If you want clean sheets, make sure to ask housekeeping to bring them to you. If the previous guest didn’t dirty it too much, housekeeping people just stretch it out a bit, tuck in the corners, and VOILA! We don’t do this at our place, but instead we tell the guests upfront that we change their sheets at check-in, and then every three days if their stay is longer than 3 days. I can’t even explain how much money and trouble this saves us. Getting the rest of your room cleaned? No problem.
Since our place is really small, it’s hard to get away with this, but are you the person who doesn’t want to pay for the really expensive drinks and food you just bought? Avoid signing the charge slips. You’d be surprised at how you can just deny those purchases at check-out. Should you do this? Of course not, because the charges then come out from the pockets of the staff. I’d bet they won’t be too happy to see you again.
The ‘fresh’ food you’re eating might be a week old. It’s amazing hearing all the tricks chefs use to freshen up old foods. The worst part is, there is no way for you know—it’s that damn stealthy. The best you can do here is to go to a trusted establishment that won’t resort to these methods. The part that worries me as well? When what counts is the bottom-line, 5 star places do it too. It’s all up to the owner, and what he/she feels is ethical.
Form an idea of the expenses you’re planning on making before you start your stay. Why? For starters, hotel staff usually tricks you into thinking that you’re the one making the choices.. You’re not. Most of the time, the hotel staff might end up selling you more food than you were thinking of. If the waiter told the cook, in an effort to maximize their gain from the available ingredients, to prepare a dish of X, Y and Z before he/she approached you for your order; in twenty minutes, you’ll find yourself eating X, Y and Z. It’s just how it is. Again, this is where you’re choice of establishment comes in. There is a fine line between right and wrong when it comes to this kind of stuff. I’ve heard of neighboring hotels here where they subconsciously force the almost-rotten foods on the guests just so they make a profit before it’s too late.
Did the waiter just assure you that the fish were just caught that morning, and the meat never saw the freezer.. Guess again. Unless you know fish and meat really well, you’ll most likely end up eating frozen foods. Why is this not that big of a deal? Most commercial places have storage appliances that are able to store food below zero oF, or -17 oC. This means that the food does not lose it’s quality and taste over time. Of course, it’ll never be the same—but, it is what it is. It’s very important for the kitchen staff to know how to freeze and defrost foods, both for quality and safety. For hotels, I think the best policy in situations like this is to be honest with the guests, and tell them the truth. If they really want the freshest product out there, charge them extra—works wonders.
Tip the staff, generously if you can. You’d be surprised at what the staff is willing to do for you if they suddenly think you’re a big tipper. I’ve seen my staff create miracles. The guy, “Mafia,” had the big tipper vibe from day one, and he followed through with it too. I have to say though, this was the top reason my staff worked very hard to please that guy.
Learning all this from people of different backgrounds really shed a lot of light on areas that I knew nothing of. I had read this article a while back where this unnamed CEO of a big hotel chain explained how he ended up paranoid of other hotels and hotel staff. I specifically remember one example of his where he said he carried plastic bags to slip the remote controls into—apparently, those remote controls were dirtier than the dirtiest of toilets. I thought it was weird of him to be like this, but I guess I understand now. I am not that bad, of course, but I too worry now. I am stressing so much to keep my staff up to specific standards, to create different understandings that are far from making a quick buck, but do other people do this as well? I can guarantee you that more than half of the neighboring hotels, motels, and pensions don’t. When you have a luxurious place, pleasing every single customer is extremely hard. Nevertheless, at a given time I have twenty-five max, but I now have recurring headaches and my patience is running extremely thin after all the ridiculous things I have seen, and heard from all these people I am trying so hard to please. Basically, the ultimate question for everyone here is.. when it’s a matter of survival, do most things magically become permissible?
